Buying sauce

“Go get some Ching’s Red Chilli Sauce today…and don’t get any other sauce!” were the clear instructions given to me by my brother this afternoon. So…being the obedient brother that I am, in the evening I headed for my friendly neighborhood mini-shopping centre (hmmm…doesn’t quite have the same effect as ‘friendly neighborhood Spiderman’ does it?). Anyways, after walking the long and arduous journey from my house to the store in…….5 minutes, I headed straight for the ‘Edible Items’ aisle after I had grabbed the little red plastic shopping basket.

I sighted the target and immediately proceeded to procure it from the shelf with a speed that would have rivaled that of a contestant on ‘The Crystal Maze’. After having successfully placed the bottle vertically in the basket, I decided to indulge myself and glance at some of the other neighboring sauces. I must admit to this date I am absolutely fascinated with the large variety of sauces that are offered for sale at these stores. It’s just amazing to see shelves, filled end-to-end with sauces ranging from the oft-seen Soya to the not-so oft-seen Sriracha sauce.

Mind you, these were just the Asian sauces because then you have the assortment of European sauces too, like – ragout, green pesto and pomodoro. Ever wondered why European sauces are generally packaged in smaller and bigger bottomed jars than their Oriental counterparts? Hmm…perhaps because they are usually thicker, with the exception of Worcestershire sauce maybe.

Then you have some that are absolutely unique like - ‘Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom Sauce’.  Ha….now that’s what I call a brilliant sales strategy. Look at it this way, on reading the word ‘Oyster’ a vegetarian / vegan would immediately turn the other way, but by prefixing the word ‘Vegetarian’, the sauce-manufacturer has caught the attention of the vegetarians / vegans. Now, at best the sauce will be purchased immediately and at worst, the vegetarian / vegan in question would at least come to know the name of the manufacturer while he / she is examining the list of ingredients on the jar.

However, the manufacturer’s ingenuity does not stop there, by inserting the word ‘Mushroom’ after ‘Oyster’ the manufacturer is conjuring images of a highly complex sauce made up of intricately chosen ingredients (like mushrooms!) to satisfy the taste buds of the consumer and all the while retaining its characteristic of being vegetarian. In essence, what the manufacturer is saying is that his sauce is not just any other ordinary oyster sauce or, any other ordinary vegetarian oyster sauce; it is a vegetarian oyster mushroom sauce. Phew! One gets tired just speaking out the name.

I have a theory. I think that the manufacturer’s sales strategy was to use the increasing number of pseudo-intellectual foodies as selling agents for this product. These pseudo-intellectual foodies (‘PIF’) include people who tend to comment on / critique on all food-related matters in great detail only in the presence of others. These PIFs would go about telling you how well-balanced a dal makhani was on their last visit to the Taj or how the breakfast at the Kempinski can be absolutely sinful and at the same time nutritious.

I can just imagine these people saying – “Oh so you’re a vegetarian huh! Well then, you just have to try this sauce I came across the other day. Absolutely fascinating you know- it’s a vegetarian oyster mushroom sauce. Can you believe it? I couldn’t till I decided to try and it and my God, it was just out…of…this…world you know. And you know why? Because not only do you get the flavor of oysters but you can actually taste the mushrooms….amazing isn’t it…oh and the best part is that it’s vegetarian! Ha ha ha. You must try it.”

Surprisingly, my theory doesn’t seem to be holding true. Not a single jar of Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom sauce seemed to have been purchased. Even during the time I was there, no one but me seemed to have noticed the sauce. It seems like those PIFs aren’t doing their job properly. Anyway, I think I’ve performed the job of a PIF by writing about the Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom sauce in this entry*.

After another few minutes of ambling about in the store I decided to head back home. After that strenuous walk of....5 minutes, I was greeted in the kitchen by my brother who at once began emptying the shopping bag. He expressed his relief when he saw the bottle of Ching’s Red Chilli Sauce, however, I couldn’t help but giggle at his bewilderment when he picked up another bottle from the bag and exclaimed, "What is this - Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom Sauce?" 

* Disclaimer:

Please note that the writer is neither recommending nor dissuading you, the reader, from purchasing any of the sauces mentioned above. As a consumer you have the right to choose and exercise your discretion based on information available about the product from a variety of sources and not just this blog entry. Further, this blog entry has not been written with the intention to influence your judgment and therefore the consequences, if any, of the decisions taken by the reader in purchasing or not purchasing any sauce or other such related food items, are solely the responsibility of the reader. No part of the reader’s decision or consequences thereof (especially if the consequences are adverse) can be attributed to this blog or its writer.