Deadliest Weapon - Baseball bat or Hockey stick ?

I was watching the much acclaimed Bollywood movie - Rajneeti on television and was pleasantly surprised when in one of the scenes Arjun Rampal picked up a baseball bat to kill a police officer.This got me thinking....whatever happened to the good old hockey stick ? The favorite weapon of our Hindi film bad guys or rather...of their hired goons who would invariably always arrive on the scene in Maruti Omnis.

Now, being a fan of the TV show - Deadliest Warrior, my mind at once began evaluating the deadliness of the baseball bat as compared to the hockey stick. I began speculating which of the two would serve as a better weapon in a fight. Would the desi hockey stick - the weapon of choice of Hindi movie goondas come up trumps over the American baseball bat, which is wielded so effectively by the American mafia as shown in Hollywood gangster flicks?

 

 

Unlike in 'Deadliest Warrior', where the presenters have access to field experts, sophisticated technology (slow-motion video cameras, sensors), medical experts and not to forget the crash test dummies and pig carcasses, I had access to nothing at all (not even the baseball bat or the hockey stick). So instead of giving up on this 'evaluation' exercise altogether, I persisted with the stubbornness of  a mule. However, unlike that beast of burden which works its ass off (pun intended), I decided to adopt a less physically demanding approach. In essence this involved me, relaxing on a chair sipping on a cup of  thick chicken soup and employing my 'little grey cells' (as Hercule Poirot would say) to arrive at a decision.

Now, while the baseball bat does seem heavier, in some situations the hockey stick would prove more effective due to its curved J-shaped structure. For instance, the J-shaped end of the stick can be easily used to block attacks from the opponent and even disarm him of any weapon. Why ? Just have a look at the resemblance that the hockey stick shares with the Chinese hooked sword.

 

Also I feel the hockey stick...and now don't laugh..... can in some way even be cleverly disguised as a walking stick. This brings in the element of stealth. Now just imagine this scene - 

A weary old man heading home from the market. He uses a hockey stick as his walking stick and decides to take a shortcut home, which happens to be a deserted path. Unknown to him, hiding in the bushes is a petty thief looking to make quick buck. He spots the old man walking on the road and with no one about the thief decides to seize the opportunity. The thief brandishing an ordinary club grunts, "Give me all you money old man and I'll let you live". The old man remains calm and to the thief's surprise, smiles saying, "Now go along home son, I shan't be giving you anything". The thief, now offended by the old man's reply leans forward to strike. However, before the thief can make his move, the old man, unknown to the thief as being a master of the art of hockey stick fighting, strikes the thief on his legs using the base of the hockey stick throwing the thief off-balance. He then completes his move by spinning the hockey stick around and using the J-shaped end to disarm the thief . The thief never suspected anything. At the end of it all, the old man walks away, with his money jingling in his pockets, while the thief is left with a damaged leg and and even worse - a damaged reputation.

To conclude another post which ended up becoming much larger than I imagined, I would say that the hockey stick has an edge over the baseball bat. While the baseball bat can do some heavy damage due to its weight and size, in a real fight it all boils down to the fighter's skill. With its unique J-shape and lighter body structure, the hockey stick allows its wielder to use a wide variety of moves which a baseball bat can't. In short, the hockey stick is superior as it is a thinking man's weapon, while the baseball bat is a weapon of brutes. 

Found this post interesting ? Then check out this interesting video comparing an Ice Hockey stick with the Baseball bat on Stick vs. Bat

Buying sauce

“Go get some Ching’s Red Chilli Sauce today…and don’t get any other sauce!” were the clear instructions given to me by my brother this afternoon. So…being the obedient brother that I am, in the evening I headed for my friendly neighborhood mini-shopping centre (hmmm…doesn’t quite have the same effect as ‘friendly neighborhood Spiderman’ does it?). Anyways, after walking the long and arduous journey from my house to the store in…….5 minutes, I headed straight for the ‘Edible Items’ aisle after I had grabbed the little red plastic shopping basket.

I sighted the target and immediately proceeded to procure it from the shelf with a speed that would have rivaled that of a contestant on ‘The Crystal Maze’. After having successfully placed the bottle vertically in the basket, I decided to indulge myself and glance at some of the other neighboring sauces. I must admit to this date I am absolutely fascinated with the large variety of sauces that are offered for sale at these stores. It’s just amazing to see shelves, filled end-to-end with sauces ranging from the oft-seen Soya to the not-so oft-seen Sriracha sauce.

Mind you, these were just the Asian sauces because then you have the assortment of European sauces too, like – ragout, green pesto and pomodoro. Ever wondered why European sauces are generally packaged in smaller and bigger bottomed jars than their Oriental counterparts? Hmm…perhaps because they are usually thicker, with the exception of Worcestershire sauce maybe.

Then you have some that are absolutely unique like - ‘Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom Sauce’.  Ha….now that’s what I call a brilliant sales strategy. Look at it this way, on reading the word ‘Oyster’ a vegetarian / vegan would immediately turn the other way, but by prefixing the word ‘Vegetarian’, the sauce-manufacturer has caught the attention of the vegetarians / vegans. Now, at best the sauce will be purchased immediately and at worst, the vegetarian / vegan in question would at least come to know the name of the manufacturer while he / she is examining the list of ingredients on the jar.

However, the manufacturer’s ingenuity does not stop there, by inserting the word ‘Mushroom’ after ‘Oyster’ the manufacturer is conjuring images of a highly complex sauce made up of intricately chosen ingredients (like mushrooms!) to satisfy the taste buds of the consumer and all the while retaining its characteristic of being vegetarian. In essence, what the manufacturer is saying is that his sauce is not just any other ordinary oyster sauce or, any other ordinary vegetarian oyster sauce; it is a vegetarian oyster mushroom sauce. Phew! One gets tired just speaking out the name.

I have a theory. I think that the manufacturer’s sales strategy was to use the increasing number of pseudo-intellectual foodies as selling agents for this product. These pseudo-intellectual foodies (‘PIF’) include people who tend to comment on / critique on all food-related matters in great detail only in the presence of others. These PIFs would go about telling you how well-balanced a dal makhani was on their last visit to the Taj or how the breakfast at the Kempinski can be absolutely sinful and at the same time nutritious.

I can just imagine these people saying – “Oh so you’re a vegetarian huh! Well then, you just have to try this sauce I came across the other day. Absolutely fascinating you know- it’s a vegetarian oyster mushroom sauce. Can you believe it? I couldn’t till I decided to try and it and my God, it was just out…of…this…world you know. And you know why? Because not only do you get the flavor of oysters but you can actually taste the mushrooms….amazing isn’t it…oh and the best part is that it’s vegetarian! Ha ha ha. You must try it.”

Surprisingly, my theory doesn’t seem to be holding true. Not a single jar of Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom sauce seemed to have been purchased. Even during the time I was there, no one but me seemed to have noticed the sauce. It seems like those PIFs aren’t doing their job properly. Anyway, I think I’ve performed the job of a PIF by writing about the Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom sauce in this entry*.

After another few minutes of ambling about in the store I decided to head back home. After that strenuous walk of....5 minutes, I was greeted in the kitchen by my brother who at once began emptying the shopping bag. He expressed his relief when he saw the bottle of Ching’s Red Chilli Sauce, however, I couldn’t help but giggle at his bewilderment when he picked up another bottle from the bag and exclaimed, "What is this - Vegetarian Oyster Mushroom Sauce?" 

* Disclaimer:

Please note that the writer is neither recommending nor dissuading you, the reader, from purchasing any of the sauces mentioned above. As a consumer you have the right to choose and exercise your discretion based on information available about the product from a variety of sources and not just this blog entry. Further, this blog entry has not been written with the intention to influence your judgment and therefore the consequences, if any, of the decisions taken by the reader in purchasing or not purchasing any sauce or other such related food items, are solely the responsibility of the reader. No part of the reader’s decision or consequences thereof (especially if the consequences are adverse) can be attributed to this blog or its writer.